Journey to the West: Day One

I don’t really rush anymore. Thank you China, for that new skill. So, when I decided to move out to Phoenix, I thought it would be best to turn it into a road trip and see as many friends as I could on the way out. So out to Minnesota I went. I mean, come on. The Twin Cities are like SO on the way from Milwaukee to Phoenix. 

Plan was to leave at 8am.

My car was still at the mechanic. So, instead, I woke my sister up at 8am and dragged her out of bed. Almost literally. 

“I hate you SO much right now.” 

Drive to the mechanic, pick up the car, drive back to the house. And it’s 8:30. 

And then I have to clean out the car. Forks. Plates. Shoe. ‘Nother shoe, not a matching pair though. Car seat. Flag. Air compressor. Crap. Crap. And more crap. And it’s 8:45. 

Finally I can start loading up the car. Down to the basement, up with a large suitcase. Down to the basement, up with a large suitcase. Down to the basement, up with a number of bags. Down to the basement, up with a number of bags. ——- GASP. GASP. There’s a very good chance I might actually die before I make it out of Wisconsin. Down to the basement, up with a number of bags. ——- Seriously, I should really start doing some cardio. Down to the basement, up with shoes, shoes and more shoes. ——- And I have really got to start working on my arms. These little tubes are worthless, I tell you, WORTHLESS!! Down to the basement, up with a number of bags. Look through the kitchen. Remember that I forgot the cooler. One last look around, hal-le-freaking-lu-jah, I’m loaded up. And it’s 9:30.

Wake my sister up. Again. 

“I’d hug you, but I can’t move right now.” Mmm-hmmm. Well, you’re welcome in Phoenix. And get your passport so you can come with me to Europe this summer. 

Back the car out of the garage, race back inside, shut the garage door, exit through the front door ——- SADIE! SHUT UP!!! (Dog. Seriously. Stop with the spazing. And don’t pee. Again.)

Drive to the library, return the book that I have managed to read all of seven chapters of in the three different attempts I have made to read it. And it’s an amazing book. I really need to buy it. I keep leaving the country or the state before I can finish it. Once the book left the country without me. 

Drive the 15min over to where my mom works. As I’m speeding along the back streets, I think, Seriously. Would you slow down?! Eh, when was the last time you saw a cop on the road? I slow it to 5 over as I come over a hill —- PO-PO. Figures. I get a long glance as I brake it down the hill. 

Say goodbye to my mom and nephew. Drive down to Capital to get coffee - but instead determine that it actually makes more sense for me to get coffee and gas in Delafield. So I head to 45 before determining that it makes more sense for me to take Capital until it hooks up with I94-ish. So I U-Turn. 

Stop at Target in Delafied to use my $3 latte coupon. Of course, I add flavor and soy milk. It’s not actually $3. But whatevs. Also buy my extra thing of coolant, some rags (cause I forgot to grab one of the 8-bajillion we have at the house) and a thing of duct tape. I am now supposedly equipped to repair my original radiator hoses when they realize in the middle of New Mexico that they’ve been attached to my car for 134000 miles and are pissed about it. 

Gas. And go.

Twenty miles later I nearly die.

Sir, if you really think you can beat me up the hill and zip in between me and this semi, would you kindly not clip me on the way into my lane? I’d way rather not have to slam on my brakes causing all my stuff to go FLYING and honk my frustration at your nearly causing me to spin towards my death. And trust me, I really wanted to utilize my fingers and some choice words, but I restrained myself. I’d really like to not have to restrain myself. Because of you and your idiocy. 

One hundred eighty-five miles later:

At mile 244, I start using my scarf as extra lumbar support. Followed quickly by an outburst of “Well, this doesn’t bode well.” This then started a conversation —- with myself —- about what on earth the word “bode” means and how on earth I would explain it to a non-native speaker providing that the word ever appears in my vocabulary when surrounded by non-native speakers. 

Right around this point, I really started to become concerned about making it to Phoenix without becoming a crazy person….

Met up with Christina in Rochester for a very late lunch - thankfully. I was not doing well.

Drove out to Hotel de Raeyeve for supper. Conclusion of Day One. It only took me from 8am-7:30pm to get to my destination.